“No, there won’t be any lions around, just hyenas.”

Remember when I said I would camping on the safari?

Well, it happened.

At least one of us was happy!

At least one of us was happy!

I knew I was in trouble when we got out of the safari vehicle and walked with our guide to the very back of the campground.  I’m not sure why we couldn’t camp with everyone else, but for whatever reason I guess he thought we needed space.  So, he set up our tent separate from everyone else and as far away from the bathroom as you could possibly get.

This is about when my anxiety started.

There are many, many things that make me anxious in life, but not being able to get to a bathroom is one of my top 10 anxiety triggers.  I’m not sure why this is exactly, but I just like knowing that if I need to pee in the middle of the night (which never ever happens) I can get to a bathroom.

Anyway, I ask my guide if there are lions wandering around the campsite at night on a frequent basis, and he assured me that there are no lions, only hyenas.  An hour before this conversation we saw a hyena eating a still-alive wildebeest.  He was dripping with blood.  It was awful and I’m still having nightmares about this weeks later.  But at that moment, standing in the campground, all I could think about was that if I got up in the middle of the night to wander around the campsite to use the restroom, I’d probably get attacked by a pack of hyenas and they wouldn’t kill me, they’d just start eating me piece by piece.

Comforting thought, no?

The guide suggested that we not even attempt to go to the bathroom at night since it was too far, and we should pee outside of our tent instead, should the need arise.  He told us if we bring a flashlight and look around with it first, we would be able to see eyes shining back at us and then the hyenas would run away…. no  big deal!

This is the exact hyena we saw before we got to the campsite.  Nightmares.

This is the exact hyena we saw before we got to the campsite. Nightmares.

OH HELL NO.

Suffice it to say, I had to pee that night around 9pm and there was no way in hell I was going to leave that tent.  Especially since it was raining.  And when I woke up at like 2am (I’m totally making up this time, we had no clocks or watches or cell phones but it felt like 2am) and heard hyenas.  Awesome.  And by awesome I mean it was not a great night as my bladder was threatening to explode and my dumb husband was sleeping peacefully after peeing outside the tent hours earlier.

Longest night ever.  Finally as soon as the first glimpse of the sun came above the horizon, I was sprinting to the bathroom.

… And then we did the whole thing again the next night.  The Husband owes me, big time.

I will say that aside from this discomfort, the safari was the best thing ever.  THE. BEST. THING.

More details to come!

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